If you’re happy and you know it…
10:30 PM
Go to bed; don’t pretend you don’t want to.
OK, I will go. I hope the baby sleeps tonight, he drank all his milk, the temperature is right and I said a prayer. I bet he will sleep. I’ll just do some reading.
GET THE HELL TO BED
12:00 MIDNIGHT
Already? Throw me a bone here, baby.
Calm down, it’s just your light sleep rage. Your body can’t handle a 90 minute interruption, or something. Shush, pat – see, he’s back asleep. It’s fine.
Alright, it is fine for now, please be fine
3:30 AM
Ooh, I’ve had 3.5 interrupted hours, that’s not so bad.
What? It is terrible, you loser. Not bad if your baby was aged one month, not 15. Soothe, pat, soothe, pat. I am so bored of being so tired.
Awe, isn’t he lovely though?
Yes, he is, but I can appreciate him just as much in the morning.
Creep back, retreat slowly, slowly. CREAK! He’s awake.
DAMN YOU FLOORBOARD! Why? Why? Why? Pick up, snuggle, sigh, happy, sleepy.
This is such a nice cuddle. How do you fix creaking floorboards anyway? You know what, it’s not so bad being up in the middle of the night, it’s not for long and I will probably miss it when it’s gone. Holding him is so beautiful.
Don’t be a doughnut; of course you won’t miss getting barely any uninterrupted sleep. Why is he still in your arms?
Alright, he’s down. Shush, pat, hand on back, eyes closed, breathing has changed, YES! Just one more minute and he’ll be gone. Oh no, my nose is itching.
Do NOT scratch your nose.
It’s really itchy. I can wait though, I have ultimate discipline. Nothing is as important as keeping my hand on this infant back and continuing to shush. Oh God it’s really itchy. Seriously, I don’t think I can wait.
You must wait! WAIT!
I’ll just have a really quick scratch but carry on shushing. He won’t even notice… Ahhhh that feels good.
YOU ARE SO WEAK.
He noticed – he is sitting up. Oh pants.
Now look! You have no patience.
I had no choice!
You have wasted the last 10 minutes, and possibly ruined your chance at three more hours sleep. Have you learnt nothing in the last year? What is the matter with you?
Relax will you, I just need to repeat and repeat… and ignore my aching back and bursting bladder. Nearly, nearly, nearly, sort of nearly, nearly, nearly – asleep! Victory!
5:30 AM
Oh wonderful, awake again. Right, cuddles are beautiful in the day too; I’d definitely rather stick to those.
Is he asleep? He’s gone back to sleep? I was just coming to terms with getting up and he’s gone back to sleep!
Oh thank Christ as I am actually on the verge of fainting with tiredness and my body is beginning to crumble from the effects of middle of the night rocks with a two-stoner. Retreat, retreat, retreat, Ahhhhhh.
5:35 AM
OK, he is clapping. The day has begun.
SOB
It is OK, he will sleep tonight. I bet he will sleep tonight.
Anyone else ‘enjoy’ an inane chat / row with themselves in the night? Please indulge me! I can also be found muttering incoherently on Facebook or Twitter.
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Big Trouble in Little Nappies 
Sounds like my nights atm. Two year old is waking up at least twice a night demanding milk.
Oh no! Hope it is a short phase for you. Mine demanded milk last night too. Completely random little creatures aren’t they? I was not expecting to be doing night feeds at this age!!
oh no! I can vividly remember taking 10 minutes to leave my daughters room once and then I trod on a squeaky floorboard and I think I was so tired a little tear ran down my cheek!!!! Urgh! The joys of baby nocturnal activity! x
Oh I can really relate to the little tear! It’s just crushing when you have spent so long getting them back down and you can almost taste sweet sleep for yourself and then it all goes wrong. Waaahhh!
I was just thinking this a few hours ago. Wakes up to eat. We’re both practically asleep in the rocking chair so it must be safe to put him down right?? Nope. It’s like they know what you are thinking sometimes, lol!
I know, it is never safe is it? Just sometimes luck is on your side and sometimes it definitely isn’t!! I hope you get an easier time of it tonight – I shouldn’t moan as it isn’t as bad as regular night feeds of course, just not a lot of fun!
Oh. My. God. That was me talking to myself! That was ME! The nose scratching and everything. With my first I would actually stop breathing because it might wake him. And after every miserable night, I held on to the hope that they would sleep the following night. Always.
Our second woke up like a newborn until he was 15 months old. He started sleeping through the night at 16. Hang in there!
This has just made me feel lots better.
1. For knowing you also argued with yourself
2. For hearing it gets better – possibly in a month (please!)
3. For seeing that you survived
Thank you! Had a damn itchy nose last night as well, what the hell is with that?!
Reblogged this on Love In The Clouds and commented:
This made me giggle. Just how nights have been here!
Thanks so much for Reblogging! Hope your nights improve soon!
Every night for 2 years I had conversations like this in my head. Then I weaned my daughter, got her sleeping in her own bed and have been getting at least 5-6 hours a night. It would probably help if I went to bed before midnight considering she wakes at 6 every morning. But I have to have some time for me too. 🙂 Good luck mama! You will make it through this!
Glad to hear things improved, it’s good to know other people had similar but that it doesn’t last forever. It’s funny how 5/6 hours is now considered not just acceptable but pretty damn good. Pre-baby I would have been banging on about how tired I was if that’s how much I slept… what a loser 😉
I also need a bit of down time in the evening, I know I should sleep sometimes, but it’s nice to unwind without the little monster too! Thank you – I am hanging in there (for dear life, some nights!)
ring to discuss control crying techniques!
ring me and we can discuss control crying. Its hard but it works, loads better than this phaffing about!
Awe thanks lady but I’m not sure I could (big softie). Do CC that is, not ring you! In part because he toddles around his cot, when tired he often trips and I’d hate not to be there when he bashes his head. Obviously, never say never and I totally get that it works brilliantly for loads of families, but I think for us the main issue is him not self-settling well at the moment… I’m hoping if we can crack that things will get a lot easier. Famous last words!!
I will ring you though for a chat and your parenting pearls of wisdom 🙂
Haha, the itchy nose had my dying!! I always have the worst itches at these type of moments! Hope he really does sleep for you tonight. You could always cheat like I do and bring him straight into your bed with you. 😉
Nose itching really is the bane of my life – impossible to resist too isn’t it! We often brought him in with us but the little tinker now refuses – it makes life a lot harder! He now also refuses a dummy and being rocked… Mr oh-so-independent-but-feral has rejected all the quick fixes that he used to love! I hope your nights are peaceful too but enjoy those sneaky bed cuddles! 🙂
Oh no, you really have it hard then! I wish you the best of luck and pray little Mr. Independent will become a little more cuddly again soon . They all go through their phases 🙂
Awe thank you, I know I could have it SO much worse, and we have to take the rough phases with the good! I still get plenty of day cuddles from him so can’t complain too much 🙂
I was laughing the whole way through this, but the 5.35 one i love! Love all of this!
Thank you! I assume you are laughing in recognition so I hope your nights are better than this at the moment!
I have nominated you for a Liebster award! http://noahonemummynil.wordpress.com/2014/09/11/liebster-award-me/
Ooh thanks!
These babies sure keep us on our toes! Last week he was sleeping through the night ALMOST every night! I thought it was finally time. This week, nah. He’s decided he needs the boob again. Sigh. But they are so snuggly and precious these nights that we soon forget how tired we are or how we need sleep! not a couple more sniffs of their precious baby heads. One day it will be gone. So what’s a few more wake up calls??
Ahhh, what a little tease! Hopefully he will go Back to having a long stretch, you have to think that to get through don’t you?! But I agree, the head sniffs and cuddles do make it easier 🙂
I say this every night haha. Please sleep tonight. Damn those floorboards and loud cars passing. Funny post #brilliantblogposts
Thank you and am glad it’s not just me. Every night I feel desperate / optimistic – many nights my positive hopes are dashed!
This is like ghost from the fast! I am so glad that son sleeps whole night now. But weve only managed to sort out his sleeping schedule when he started school. Before school even when he is 3 our sleeping pattern is still erratic.
Also yet I talk to myself lots of times.
*Right about now too*
Go away self!
*I cant I am you*
#brillblogposts
Ha at *I can’t I am you*! Glad it’s not just me. That must have been so very exhausting with your son – glad he is sleeping properly now… you must feel like a different person!
So funny! I hate it when they clap…. grrrr (it is usually about 3am…) Matchsticks anyone! x #BrillBlogPosts
Haha! Yes, clapping should be banned any time before 7 AM and after 7 PM! Thank you x
My mum gave my daugher a kazoo for her birthday. Kazoos at 7am is a killer…
Haha- I used to do a ninja type escape from my daughters room – the slightest creak and she would be awake! Thankfully now I am passed all that and can just say ‘night!’ and shut the door haha!
#BrillBlogPosts
Haha, I look forward to that stage! I never thought I would have to creep around my own home so much, but when you’re desperate you do what you need to do right!
@mrs_scholes – I just had to google kazoo and can now agree that they really don’t sound much fun early in the morning! Think we may regret the request for a keyboard we put in with Santa…
Haha I’m so sorry but this really made me laugh! Hope you get some sleep soon! x x
Thank you! I hope so too! My theory on this whole lack of sleep thing is that you’ve got to laugh hey – even if it’s mostly at yourself!
Relate! Toddler is waking up lots, 4 year old wants to sleep with us! I’ve given up on a full night’s sleep! Just eating well, exercising and disco napping when I can! Boom! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts
Oh no, I feel your pain – even though yours is double! Well done on eating well and exercising – I thought the way to get through bad nights was coffee and doughnuts… seems like I haven’t been helping myself! Thanks for another great BBB linky.