It’s Halloween, Baby!

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I will haunt your dreams

I will haunt your dreams

‘90% of having a baby is dressing them up in silly outfits, right?’

A very naïve me, pre-children.

Sadly, I have discovered that is in fact NOT the case. Maybe 5% – and that’s only for as long as he is unable to forcefully object.

Today, however, is  one of them – Halloween, the only time it is acceptable to spend your day making large vegetables look sinister and roaming the streets begging for food.

Before we had our own little devil pumpkin, we got in the spirit of this occasion by buying Haribo to hand out (and scoff ourselves) and spent the night with friends, watching super scary films with wine and popcorn, recklessly shrieking away and staying up late in the way only people who can sleep and make noise when they want can do. Continue reading

The Ten Commandments of Soft Play

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soft play

Never mind Terms of Play, these are the real rules of engagement – for the parents at least.

1. Thou shall inevitably look after someone else’s children.

I make no secret of it, my purpose in going to this bouncy wonderland is to play with (and protect) my one year old. But I always, always, ALWAYS end up with at least one other child attached to me. Duties can include but not be limited to – encouragement and clapping, watching them swing, jump and leap (by order of ‘watch me, watch me’), assist up, down, over and under slides, help into ball pits, help out of ball pits and rescue from frankly terrifying ‘bridge of net’. Meanwhile there is a rogue infant – my own son, tripping, falling, banging, stropping and to be frank, it can all be a bit much – there’s a reason they wouldn’t let me be a Childminder. I am sorry stranger child, if I turn my back, but I gotta make the little dude my first watch. Continue reading

The Big Baby’s Guide to Newborn Bundles

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Do not be alarmed - I come in peace

Do not be alarmed – I come in peace

Hey there baby,

How’s it going? Blink once for good, twice for bad and three times for I don’t know what the hell you are saying.

It’s okay if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, it’s a tough old world. Not that you will have seen much beyond your parents arms and the little prison they call your crib, but I appreciate you haven’t had the easiest start and are probably still catching your breath.  Let me reassure you before we go any further, what happened on day one is NOT typical – I promise! Well, at least in my vast 15 months experience there has been nothing of the sort since, so I’m fairly confident that it was a one off initiation torture type thing, you know, like in gangs – or frat houses. Continue reading

Milestones of Motherhood

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Is your baby as advanced in house-wrecking as mine?

Is your baby as advanced in house-wrecking as mine?

When you have a baby, everyone – from your parents, to your friends, to your Health Visitor, to the Grandmother in the park you have literally never laid eyes on before want to know all about your baby’s milestones.

Do they crawl?

Can they pull up to stand?

Are they walking yet?

How many teeth – only 3?

Can they speak? How many words? Are they clear?

Are they sleeping through? How many hours?

Can they fetch their own milk from the fridge? I see… still so dependent. Continue reading

Sometimes We Lose Things

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Image by Stuart Rodgers

Image by Stuart Rodgers

I hold my son a little tighter tonight; stroke his head once more than needed. I breathe his sleepy sighs and inhale his whispered Mama. He makes my heart hurt a little less; I am so thankful for him.

Recently, like too many others, we lost something. And I really don’t know how I should be now, what I should do. I don’t know if this is private; if I should explain my absences and cancelled plans with vague excuses of flu and a packed schedule. Or if I should admit that something big and sad has happened, and that I’m not okay at the moment.

I know that these things happen every day; but not to me, not to you. When they do, they change you, change your life – or at least the life you thought you were going to have and who you were going to have it with. Continue reading