If Toddlers Made New Year’s Resolutions

Comments 30 Standard

We all have changes we’d like to make, and our little tots are no different. Given the opportunity, toddlers are very FullSizeRender3open to self-improvement and actually don’t believe the world revolves around them and their every whim. They simply need the chance to express their thoughts and will then begin to make a positive difference. Good for them!

The following are real accounts from one and two-year-old’s, spoken or written in their own words; although all names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved. Any similarity between these children and mine or my friends’ is purely coincidental. Ahem. Continue reading

Experiment: Relaxing at Home with a Baby

Comments 16 Standard
relaxing with a babyCan you have a relaxing day with a baby?

Short Answer: Most definitely not, you loser.

Long Answer: Well I doubt it, but I couldn’t say for sure – I guess I’ve never properly tried… It would be amazing if it were possible.

Let’s see!

Participants:

  1. One tired and frazzled Mummy
  2. One adorable and feral infant

Laboratory environment:

A messy house, with all doors and windows barred. Or, to comply with Health & Safety, perhaps just closed. The participants are to be observed in their home environment in order to test the proposed theory accurately and, to truly relax, must stay indoors. DUN DUN DER! Continue reading

Milestones of Motherhood

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Is your baby as advanced in house-wrecking as mine?

Is your baby as advanced in house-wrecking as mine?

When you have a baby, everyone – from your parents, to your friends, to your Health Visitor, to the Grandmother in the park you have literally never laid eyes on before want to know all about your baby’s milestones.

Do they crawl?

Can they pull up to stand?

Are they walking yet?

How many teeth – only 3?

Can they speak? How many words? Are they clear?

Are they sleeping through? How many hours?

Can they fetch their own milk from the fridge? I see… still so dependent. Continue reading

The Upsides to a Rogue Baby

Comments 10 Standard
Exhibit - Rogue

Exhibit – Rogue

So, to speak truthfully, I’ve had moments of wishing my baby was a bit more chill, and a bit less feral. You know, the kind of baby who will lay contentedly kicking away in Mum and Baby yoga, before peacefully dosing off in time for me to do my post natal stretches and take a moment for myself.  Not so much the kind of baby that leaves me to attempt said stretches stood on one foot whilst simultaneously rocking, feeding and trying to remember if I turned the hob off.

Rogue Babies, also known as spirited, characters, lively and demonic (just in the occasional dark moment), are wilful little beasts who do not: Continue reading

Dear Mummy,

Comments 8 Standard

sam abridged 2Can you believe I am almost one? Time flies, apparently. I wouldn’t know, having no concept of clichéd expressions or indeed of flying and time, but I heard you say it to the lady in the Post Office and it sounded nice.

I feel so grown up compared to 12 months ago and I’m sure you would say the same. OK, I heard you say that in the Post Office too, but I had thought it first. When I was born, I didn’t really know my front from my back and if I’m being honest, Mummy, I wasn’t all that keen on things. It was too loud, it was too bright, and I felt hungry and grouchy a lot of the time, as I’m sure you well remember. Continue reading