We all know the importance of a balanced and healthy diet and the impact this can have on a person’s wellbeing. Ensuring the inclusion of five-a-day in your diet is essential because; healthy body, healthy mind, yes? Then of course, as parents, it must be even more important to eat and drink the right kind of things to maximise our energy and health, because we can’t take sick days. Added to that the requirement to lead by example and have a positive influence on the diets of our children, it’s pretty clear that making the right choices and living within the rules when it comes to healthy eating is a no-brainer.
I appreciate it isn’t always easy to stick to every rule laid out on what to eat and in what amount, and that treating your stomach like a temple can be costly. But January is the perfect time to start afresh and move towards a healthier you. What’s more, following this healthy five-a-day plan could not be simpler. Continue reading
I am writing this somewhat reluctantly, but after verbal attempts to negotiate broke down without resolution, I am left with little choice. I have been in your employment for over 18 months now, and whilst I enjoy my post immensely, a few changes to my contract are required in order for me to attain some work / life balance.
I wouldn’t usually take a formal approach to this kind of thing, but it can be tricky to hold a sensible conversation with you. You regularly laugh in my face when I am trying to express my dissatisfaction with something you have done, and I find your interruptions – usually involving a request to sing or provide food – rather rude when I am in the middle of making an important point. Continue reading
Despite being unable to brief our eggs or sperm on exactly when to meet, the debate rages on:
When is the right – and best – time to have a baby? From the time of year to the time of life, most everyone has an opinion. I see it crop up regularly; in the media, on blogs and forums, and amongst family and friends. I have partaken, I have listened and I have accepted that timing is, of course, the most vital thing. Not the everything-changing child itself you understand, the timing is what really matters.
For starters: you should definitely not have a baby in any of the following months (you have been warned):
If you don’t have a Christmas Party to attend this year, because you are a stay at home parent or perhaps because your colleagues don’t like you; you are in good company. Whilst other adults are sensibly spending the run-up to Christmas getting trollied on their work do and strutting their stuff to Mariah Carey without fear of reproach, I am at home. A lone Santa hat on the sofa, Love Actually on the television, mince pie crumbs on my dressing gown. Across town, turkey is gobbled, crackers are pulled, shots are poured and a very merry time is had by all.
Until the vomiting begins, alongside the realisation that they are no longer 22. Continue reading
Can you have a relaxing day with a baby?
Short Answer: Most definitely not, you loser.
Long Answer: Well I doubt it, but I couldn’t say for sure – I guess I’ve never properly tried… It would be amazing if it were possible.
- One tired and frazzled Mummy
- One adorable and feral infant
A messy house, with all doors and windows barred. Or, to comply with Health & Safety, perhaps just closed. The participants are to be observed in their home environment in order to test the proposed theory accurately and, to truly relax, must stay indoors. DUN DUN DER! Continue reading
I am writing this for your own good, for our own good really. I know you don’t think you are an idiot, which is kind of one of the main issues, and why I have deemed it necessary to take action. You actually seem to fancy yourself as a bit of a smarty pants with your time saving ideas, stupid lists and unrealistic expectations. But let me be clear, you are a fool. And it’s about time someone told you – other than your husband, who we both know rarely gets a fair hearing.
So here you / we are, bumbling along, and it’s all going pretty well you know. We have a nice life, a loving family, great friends and a roof over our heads. The child we always wanted is here, throwing his weight and love around in equal measure, filling each day with laughter and also with screams, slaps and poo. Continue reading
This week, Jamelia, the woman who sang a few pop songs 14 years ago, told the nation, or at least, anyone watching Loose Women, that people who choose not to breastfeed were selfish, and that it should be made compulsory. Putting aside, like she obviously did, feeding problems, the Mother’s health and social and family pressures; Jamelia’s comments are of course just silly words, by a silly ego, that thankfully have no chance of being implemented. But, they are out there now. They are in the news, on the radio station, being written about (like now for example!) and it’s another judgment, another slap in the face to people – for whatever reason, who aren’t breastfeeding. Another lecture, another nudge, to let you know, in case you didn’t already, that, according to them, you’re not getting it quite right. Continue reading
The crying like a baby month
You – You arrive home from hospital happy, terrified and scared to wee. You are euphoric. You have a baby! You gave birth! Look what you made! You realise you don’t know your arse from your elbow. You receive lovely cards, lovely gifts, and lovely messages. Visitors bring you sandwiches and tell you how brilliant you are. You stay up watching your baby sleep. Not because he is beautiful (although he is) but because he wakes screaming every time you put him down. You take it in turns with your partner and each begin the never-ending battle to prove that you are the most tired. Your baby books are used to tilt the crib from underneath and you spend any time not feeding stood at the extractor fan singing Twinkle, Twinkle. Continue reading
1) They chew their toys, and your shoes, and the doorstop, which are basically all the same to them
2) They slobber. Over everything
3) They bite, but a bit harder than a canine
4) They make loud noises on sighting other animals Continue reading
I started this in the midst of a very Bad Mum Day. The kind when, despite best intentions, nothing gets done, everything goes wrong and the baby senses your stress and uses it to destroy your spirit. It seems the more I try to achieve some days, the less I manage. I woke with a long To Do list – FYI, To Do lists only make you feel like a failure; and a determination to make my son an amazing cake for his Birthday the following day. By 6 p.m. I had a questionable sponge with toxic green icing (I’d attempted baby blue), and hadn’t crossed one thing off my silly, over ambitious list. I’m not sure why writing a poem about it seemed a sensible option, but it was apparently too early for gin. Continue reading