What to Expect in Baby’s 1st Year… Abridged

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The crying like a baby month

The crying like a baby month

Month one

You – You arrive home from hospital happy, terrified and scared to wee. You are euphoric. You have a baby! You gave birth! Look what you made!  You realise you don’t know your arse from your elbow. You receive lovely cards, lovely gifts, and lovely messages. Visitors bring you sandwiches and tell you how brilliant you are. You stay up watching your baby sleep. Not because he is beautiful (although he is) but because he wakes screaming every time you put him down. You take it in turns with your partner and each begin the never-ending battle to prove that you are the most tired. Your baby books are used to tilt the crib from underneath and you spend any time not feeding stood at the extractor fan singing Twinkle, Twinkle. Continue reading

10 ways babies are like dogs

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photo (10)1) They chew their toys, and your shoes, and the doorstop, which are basically all the same to them

2) They slobber. Over everything

3) They bite, but a bit harder than a canine

4) They make loud noises on sighting other animals Continue reading

Bad Mum Day(s)

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photo (7)

I started this in the midst of a very Bad Mum Day. The kind when, despite best intentions, nothing gets done, everything goes wrong and the baby senses your stress and uses it to destroy your spirit. It seems the more I try to achieve some days, the less I manage. I woke with a long To Do list – FYI, To Do lists only make you feel like a failure; and a determination to make my son an amazing cake for his Birthday the following day. By 6 p.m. I had a questionable sponge with toxic green icing (I’d attempted baby blue), and hadn’t crossed one thing off my silly, over ambitious list.  I’m not sure why writing a poem about it seemed a sensible option, but it was apparently too early for gin. Continue reading

Dear Mummy,

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sam abridged 2Can you believe I am almost one? Time flies, apparently. I wouldn’t know, having no concept of clichéd expressions or indeed of flying and time, but I heard you say it to the lady in the Post Office and it sounded nice.

I feel so grown up compared to 12 months ago and I’m sure you would say the same. OK, I heard you say that in the Post Office too, but I had thought it first. When I was born, I didn’t really know my front from my back and if I’m being honest, Mummy, I wasn’t all that keen on things. It was too loud, it was too bright, and I felt hungry and grouchy a lot of the time, as I’m sure you well remember. Continue reading

Bringing up Baby – Is it really so difficult?

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IMG_2186Does it depend on who you ask?

I have found having a baby HARD. And that is not to say I don’t love it. I enjoy the time with my son far, far more than any day at work, mostly.  And I feel so very lucky to be in this position. But it isn’t easy.

I have sometimes felt, especially in the early days though, that I was being a bit lightweight and lame about the whole thing. People had babies all the time right? And life went on. People went back to work WEEKS after giving birth, whilst I was still struggling to get dressed. Was I the only one who found it difficult? Was it me? Was it my baby? Mostly, our days were a whirl of feeding (him), sleeping (him), crying (both), and attempting and failing to complete basic tasks that in hindsight were probably still too ambitious (me). Continue reading