The subject of co-sleeping has long since been a hotly debated potato in the world of parenting.
Is it wrong to do it? Is it wrong not to? Is it safe? Will it form bad habits? Is it an essential part of bonding and attachment?
So you sift through the reams of conflicting information and studies, in addition to everyone else’s opinions, and eventually make a decision you feel is best for your family. And then of course, your baby tosses all your carefully weighed up thinking out of the proverbial window and tells you how it’s actually going to be. Continue reading
Can you have a relaxing day with a baby?
Short Answer: Most definitely not, you loser.
Long Answer: Well I doubt it, but I couldn’t say for sure – I guess I’ve never properly tried… It would be amazing if it were possible.
- One tired and frazzled Mummy
- One adorable and feral infant
A messy house, with all doors and windows barred. Or, to comply with Health & Safety, perhaps just closed. The participants are to be observed in their home environment in order to test the proposed theory accurately and, to truly relax, must stay indoors. DUN DUN DER! Continue reading
Five things it is essential to know about raising a baby*
Getting down to business
*Not really that essential at all
- It is easier to open a packet of cakes than make a sandwich. Especially one handed (you do it with your teeth).
- You won’t enjoy every moment. Bask in some and just try to get through others. You’ll recognise which is which, though the first usually involves a smiling or sleeping baby and the second – poo on the carpet and exhausted crying from you both.
- The kitchen floor isn’t dirtier than it used to be, you just notice it more now you are not at work. Stop looking down.
- Takeaways are your friend. Don’t judge yourself, even when you drop a bit of peperoni on your sleeping baby’s head
- If you’re worried about a lack of a dirty nappy from your baby, just run late for a Doctor’s appointment, strap them in the car seat and lock the front door. The poo will follow immediately, and will most probably be up to their shoulders.
I will haunt your dreams
‘90% of having a baby is dressing them up in silly outfits, right?’
A very naïve me, pre-children.
Sadly, I have discovered that is in fact NOT the case. Maybe 5% – and that’s only for as long as he is unable to forcefully object.
Today, however, is one of them – Halloween, the only time it is acceptable to spend your day making large vegetables look sinister and roaming the streets begging for food.
Before we had our own little
devil pumpkin, we got in the spirit of this occasion by buying Haribo to hand out (and scoff ourselves) and spent the night with friends, watching super scary films with wine and popcorn, recklessly shrieking away and staying up late in the way only people who can sleep and make noise when they want can do. Continue reading
Never mind Terms of Play, these are the real rules of engagement – for the parents at least.
1. Thou shall inevitably look after someone else’s children.
I make no secret of it, my purpose in going to this bouncy wonderland is to play with (and protect) my one year old. But I always, always, ALWAYS end up with at least one other child attached to me. Duties can include but not be limited to – encouragement and clapping, watching them swing, jump and leap (by order of ‘watch me, watch me’), assist up, down, over and under slides, help into ball pits, help out of ball pits and rescue from frankly terrifying ‘bridge of net’. Meanwhile there is a rogue infant – my own son, tripping, falling, banging, stropping and to be frank, it can all be a bit much – there’s a reason they wouldn’t let me be a Childminder. I am sorry stranger child, if I turn my back, but I gotta make the little dude my first watch. Continue reading
Do not be alarmed – I come in peace
Hey there baby,
How’s it going? Blink once for good, twice for bad and three times for I don’t know what the hell you are saying.
It’s okay if you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment, it’s a tough old world. Not that you will have seen much beyond your parents arms and the little prison they call your crib, but I appreciate you haven’t had the easiest start and are probably still catching your breath. Let me reassure you before we go any further, what happened on day one is NOT typical – I promise! Well, at least in my vast 15 months experience there has been nothing of the sort since, so I’m fairly confident that it was a one off initiation torture type thing, you know, like in gangs – or frat houses. Continue reading
Is your baby as advanced in house-wrecking as mine?
When you have a baby, everyone – from your parents, to your friends, to your Health Visitor, to the Grandmother in the park you have literally never laid eyes on before want to know all about your baby’s milestones.
Do they crawl?
Can they pull up to stand?
Are they walking yet?
How many teeth – only 3?
Can they speak? How many words? Are they clear?
Are they sleeping through? How many hours?
Can they fetch their own milk from the fridge? I see… still so dependent. Continue reading