Raising A Baby – The Essentials

 Five things it is essential to know about raising a baby*

Getting down to business

*Not really that essential at all

1. It is easier to open a packet of cakes than make a sandwich. Especially one handed (you do it with your teeth).
2. You won’t enjoy every moment. Bask in some and just try to get through others. You’ll recognise which is which, though the first usually involves a smiling or sleeping baby and the second – poo on the carpet and exhausted crying from you both.
3. The kitchen floor isn’t dirtier than it used to be, you just notice it more now you are not at work. Stop looking down.
4. Takeaways are your friend. Don’t judge yourself, even when you drop a bit of peperoni on your sleeping baby’s head
5. If you’re worried about a lack of a dirty nappy from your baby, just run late for a Doctor’s appointment, strap them in the car seat and lock the front door. The poo will follow immediately, and will most probably be up to their shoulders.